Today I want to post an alternative. For alternative I mean I want to talk about a topic other than those covered in my previous post, a subject that I never talked about here. The main purpose of this blog is about fashion, and my post should be written in two languages, but not today, today I want to get out of line! Today I want to talk about love.
What great word love .. Is it too big a word to me, or rather, I am that I feel small compared to it. Before now I've never been in love, not that he never had someone beside me, but it certainly was not love. But now I think I am really but I am not fully Safe.
And then I wonder what is love? how do you understand to be in love? being in love is living on the edge every day, stay a moment in paradise and a second after falling to hell? means living breathtaking moments, where everything seems perfect, but at the same time surprised because everything is going the right way and have almost afraid, afraid of losing? if this is love then I'm in love or going badly, says Ligabue:
"or was it love, or we looked good."
My history with him, if you can call it, began in late September last year. You know the classic boy "icon"? the boy "cooler" than when you went to school, the unreachable, the kid when you spoke you said "it was really nice, but so does not know that I exist" that you dare not even imagine that you can have an affair with him because you did not feel up to it? the classic guy who now at age 21, is chased by girls struggling with their first crush on a larger one that if he greets them, they go in stock jujube? behold, He is just so. He the reputation of shit, that seduces you and then lets you down, he has also invented a life that others who see it even if you only talk to a girl is safe because "if you will bring it to bed, or at least the bacierà ". Yes, he has it all.
But back in September. Recently his company and mine, my old friends, joined together to form one beautiful. Obviously he did not even know my name, but day after day, we began to know each other and joking like two friends, until one day those friendly gestures have become something more, and I just did not want to believe, and know when they are able to really believe it? in January. Yes, yes, for four months we went on like this, to see us together, I even wanted to give him a kiss, but undaunted he never gave up.
What about that night of January I will always remember me. I'm in a disco with my friends, dance like the crazy. At one point I hear someone behind me, I'm already bored to turn around, thinking that it's usually a pain in the ass I want to board, but no, it's him. She looks at me intently in the eyes begin to dance and still look at me with his beautiful eyes (at least for me, actually are not anything spectacular, but they were watching her and especially me) as long as if all these months I had been asleep, I wake up and say to myself: "Martina, wake up do you not see that he is here for you? Is here now, for once not think about what you will, think of this, to what you're going through!" and so he is approaching for the first time and I'm not moving. It 'been a fairytale kiss, I had a hundred or more people around me, but at that moment it was just me and him, and "Stereo Love", oh yes, the song I remember well, after that
evening we started dating, everything seemed perfect to me. I had just started college, a new life in Milan, a wonderful boyfriend, great friends and my family was no exception. And then? And then from heaven to hell
deeper within three weeks. HE is gone, do not you see, is felt even less will find, is unattainable. I spent two weeks terrible two weeks where I felt helpless, I did not want to take part in my life, let go così.Il everything ends with a message from him. He tells me that it disappeared because it is not ready for a story I discredited, blamed his ex. Well I must really say, at that moment I fell upon the world. I'm his ex I never even mentioned, but at that moment I realized that the wickedness of the people has no limit. We have been a month without even speak to us and greet us. In the meantime, I attended another guy, it made me feel good, but I did heart beat, so I left.
few days later I went to him to tell him what I thought, I cried, I cried, but was used to something, I apologized, he, the proudest man in the world.
For some time we have "friends" and then he came back, sorry, he told me that he understood that really keeps me .. and so, after some of my initial hesitation, has begun all over again, I started to go roller coaster. I spent two months
beautiful, so we fought, but every time we did it was as if peace was great start again but more and more linked.
And now I ask you? here I am writing this history alone. Yes, because he's gone again, using another excuse. But this time I realized something important. He is afraid. We come to the same point us when we are about to become something really big and important, he pulls back. Obviously if I understand this, we suffer, and even then. It is easy to see it every day and pretend nothing when you're dying to be with him. But I do not run away, I will not change anything of my life trying to forget it, I really understand what's there and are ready to help him, stay with him if only he will allow me. I have nothing to lose, I expect, and if it happens will not be easy for sure, but I believe when you want to build something with a person is like if you took an all-inclusive package, you accept the other person for what it is, and I've learned to do this. I accept your fear, accept the fact that I will be tormented by the girls who are "in love" with him, I accept all the buzz about him, the evil tongues are everywhere, but I always want to believe him.
As I write this story I find a certain similarity with the story of Chuck and Blair. Yes, definitely, we are like Chuck and Blair. But in the end after two series Chuck was able to say those famous two words in Blair is not it? :)
Well I'm here waiting, have patience. I decided that I do not want more escape in life, I will no longer run away from it, a bit like Sabrina.
I decided that I will always attract love towards me, a bit like Louise from St. Louis to Sex and the City.
Why love is always beautiful, certainly makes you feel bad, but is also able to make you feel good, really good.
I apologize to all my followers, probably nobody will read this post because after a few lines will already have gone to look for something more interesting, but today I wanted to write and to vent a little, and so I did.
In any case, if someone had come to the end of this post without falling asleep or having changed the page XD thank you for listening and if you want virtually vent or express some concept of love is all ears:) Now I greet
really!
kisses
M.
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